A smorgasbord of stupidity and an embarrassment to the BBC: CHRISTOPHER STEVENS ... trends now
The Apprentice (BBC One)
For pity's sake, someone take this show and put it out of our misery. Stagnant, moribund, drained of imagination, wit or entertainment, The Apprentice now typifies the worst of BBC1's output.
When the series began in 2005, based on the U.S. original starring a has-been named Donald Trump, its British presenter Alan Sugar was still in his 50s.
Now 77, he might be younger than either of the American presidential candidates but that's about the best you can say for the old boy. As the final dragged towards the finish line, Lord Sugar looked less like an aggressive entrepreneur and more like a doddery head of the family, trying to decide which of his scheming young relatives was going to inherit the remnants of his pension.
The finalists, gym owner Rachel Woolford and pie shop boss Phil Turner, were smarming up to him as though a bit of fake politeness might earn them first dibs on the family silver in the cutlery drawer. That's always an unedifying sight.
As he announced the finale and encouraged the contenders to pick their teams of ex-apprentices, Great Uncle Alan looked more like Young Mr Grace on Are You Being Served?
In the end, the winner was Rachel. Last year's winner also ran a fitness business: Marnie Swindells, who went on to open the Bronx Boxing Club. Maybe the show should be renamed Alan Sugar's Next Gym
Phil could have pointed out that the model hasn't worked out too badly for Jeff Bezos at Amazon – but why waste his breath?
As he announced the finale and encouraged the contenders to pick their teams of ex-apprentices, Great Uncle Alan looked more like Young Mr Grace on Are You Being Served?
He shuffled into the Old Royal Naval College in Greenwich, with Karren Brady and Tim Campbell on either side — pretending to be his business assistants but possibly his nurses. I'm glad I wasn't there – the temptation to call out, 'I'm free!' would have been overwhelming.
When he attempted a joke, summing up the head-to-head as 'pies versus pies-lates', even Baroness Karren couldn't raise a smile. The pun might have worked better if he'd said 'pie-lates' or just 'pilates', but in any case none of those deserved to make the edit.
The real problem is that the generation gulf between investor and business novice is now too wide. Sugar freely admitted he didn't really understand either of the firms in which he was proposing to acquire a 50 per cent stake.
The burgeoning popularity of gyms was, 'out of my era, but my
