Oh! No! Oh no no no!
This week we are introduced to Freddie and Rosi. No, they’re not a pair of CBeebies presenters, they are the latest new additions to the cast.
It’s heinous. Within 4 seconds they have said ‘dahling’ twice, then one of them gets measured for a kilt and recounts the thrilling time he walked up a mountain drinking rosé ‘like it was water’.
Saucy: Maeva stripped down to her lingerie for Miles after he tempted her with his chocolate fondue on Monday night's Made In Chelsea
Wet! But things soon took a VERY nasty turn for the fledgling Lothario
Freddie, pipe down. We don’t need you, we’ve got Mark Francis, and you aren’t him. Your smug tales of mountaineering in white tie doesn’t impress us.
Just when you think this can’t get any worse, he utters the sentence: ‘We got completely FUBAR.’
‘What’s FUBAR?’ You might well ask, Rosi! Because we all thought it was a radio station presented by Lizzie Cundy. Alas, it means (according to Freddie) ‘f**ked up beyond all recognition’.
Freddie then explains that he also once spent half an hour crawling through a bush – which is evidently where the MIC casting director first found him.
These two need to get in the bin. Yesterday.
Thank God – some familiar faces: Jamie and Mytton.
Having met at the DNA talk last week, these two are now inexplicably focusing their attentions on Verity – who, despite being new, is more than welcome to stick around after that Freddie and Rosi scene.
Jamie and Mytton are using Verity as some sort of personal project, after James told her at Sophie’s birthday that she was ‘easy’, whilst clutching at his cheeks.
They’ve taken her horse riding at the Equestrian Centre and are watching from the side-lines. It’s more like they are a pair of gay dads and she’s their young adoptive daughter actually. Jamie has not only arranged the horse riding as a way to take Verity’s mind of James, she has arranged for MIC’s resident stallion Fred to take her on a date.
Horse riding AND a date with Fred! Jamie, you’re the best gay dad ever!
You can tell Eliza is currently a student at Durham because she uses the word ‘ashen’ to describe the colour or James’ face when he realised both she and Verity were at the same party last week. She is telling Liv and Melissa about it, with Melissa doing what she does best: not being able to disguise looks of horror on her face when told something appropriately horrifying.
James, meanwhile, is insisting to Miles that he didn’t get ‘caught out’ by the girls (despite getting caught out). This conversation takes place at the gym, where James is thrashing a punch bag within an inch of its life and Miles is bandying about an overly-large protein shake bottle. Because, in case you didn’t get the memo, these two are really into fitness and clean eating and rolling their T-shirt sleeves up really high.
Despite currently romancing his Year 12 form tutor, Angus expresses an interest in new French Maeva. But she is still into Miles and is spending her free time pursuing the local Hamptons window for flats in London before nipping into Ann Summers for a new camisole with adjustable suspender straps.
Rosi, who is slightly more