Joey Essex invented a dish mixing stir-fry with risotto on Celebrity ...

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Joey Essex and Kellie Maloney were cruelly eliminated in the first ‘semi-final’ of Celebrity Mastermind - punished primarily for being different. Or, as the judges probably preferred to see it, making something too unusual and admittedly almost inedible.

You’d have thought Kellie Maloney for would be commended for taking the attitude: ‘I’m using my imagination!’

And who knows, pork accompanied by rice (flavoured with lemon) and tomato sauce (with cherries in) might not taste that bad. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it etc. Unfortunately for Kellie, John Torode and Gregg Wallace weren’t convinced – before they tried it or afterwards.

Gone: Joey Essex and Kellie Maloney were cruelly eliminated in the first ‘semi-final’ of Celebrity Mastermind - punished primarily for being different

Gone: Joey Essex and Kellie Maloney were cruelly eliminated in the first ‘semi-final’ of Celebrity Mastermind - punished primarily for being different

Gone: Joey Essex and Kellie Maloney were cruelly eliminated in the first ‘semi-final’ of Celebrity Mastermind - punished primarily for being different

As for Joey Essex, he was also ‘taking a risk’ with ‘a little meal I’ve made up.’

Sadly, you suspected, not just Celebrity Masterchef, but the world wasn’t ready for ‘Stirotto’, as he called his invention of ‘stir fry in a risotto.’

You couldn’t help feeling the real losers were culinary creativity, human individuality, and the viewers as inevitably he joined Kellie leaving the competition while less entertaining contestants like Jenny Ryan, Neil Ruddock, and Dillion Whyte advanced instead.

Dodgy: The world wasn’t ready for ‘Stirotto’, as Joey called his invention of ‘stir fry in a risotto.’

And that the format of the show left a lot to be desired and had contributed to their demise.

After all, half of tonight’s ‘semi-final’ (the first of three bizarrely) was effectively pointless.

The eight celebrities found themselves on the white cliffs of Dover, split into two teams, cooking for 120 hungry coastguard staff and volunteers from the local search and rescue centre. 

But as the judges didn’t consider the result(s) at all, Kellie received no credit for marshalling Vicky Pattison, Greg Rutherford, and Dom Parker in the Blue Team to an easy victory.

No chance: You’d have thought Kellie Maloney for would be commended for taking the attitude: ‘I’m using my imagination!’

No chance: You’d have thought Kellie Maloney for would be commended for taking the attitude: ‘I’m using my imagination!’

And similarly Jenny Ryan’s Red Team (herself, Neil Ruddock, Dillion Whyte, and Joey Essex) weren’t penalized, despite serving their food 15 minutes late after filling their tent with black smoke when their lamb caught fire and several other mishaps.

‘I have never seen it so chaotic in all my life!’ cried John Torode, untroubled by the minor detail that it mattered not one jot.

To be fair to Dillion, Razor, and particularly Jenny, they fared far better back in the second half - back in the Masterchef kitchen with ‘the Invention Test’, unlike Joey Essex, who chose that as the occasion to unveil his ‘Stirotto.’

He had started the show in ominously optimistic spirits about being among ‘the best eight

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