Made In Chelsea: Sam devastates Zara by admitting he's 'completely out' of ...

Sam has hammered the final nail into the coffin of his flailing relationship with Zara, it would seem.

Still absolutely beside herself, Zara arranges to meet Reza, who accuses her of being full of 'baloney'. No-one has used that phrase since 1987, and no-one has ever used that phrase in the UK, but we see what point he's trying to make.

He reminds Zara that while she was doing the horizontal fandango offstage with her X Factor lover, Sam used to bring his entire family to watch her on the show. So while she was swinging from the drop curtains, Sam, Louise and their age-defying mother were sat in the audience, chomping on sweet-meets-salty pop corn, waiting for The Vixen from The Chase to finish her rendition of Diamonds Are Forever.

Devastated: Sam has hammered the final nail into the coffin of his flailing relationship with Zara, it would seem.

Devastated: Sam has hammered the final nail into the coffin of his flailing relationship with Zara, it would seem.

In the style of Rachel from Friends, Zara has penned a letter to Sam, and sends Reza off to deliver it.  

Over in the countryside, Maeva casually implies that the sex between her and James isn't as frequent as she'd like, and compares it to the sex she would have with ex Miles.

Despite not really saying so, Emily takes this to mean the sex was much more passionate between Maeva and Miles. She logs this into her memory bank for use later in the episode.

Mark Francis and Rosi are somewhere talking about terracotta sphincters [sphinxes] and that's all there is to say about this for the moment.

Calling time? It seems Sam has made his mind up about the future of his romance with Zara

Calling time? It seems Sam has made his mind up about the future of his romance with Zara

Over in the countryside: Maeva casually implies that the sex between her and James isn't as frequent as she'd like, and compares it to the sex she would have with ex Miles

Over in the countryside: Maeva casually implies that the sex between her and James isn't as frequent as she'd like, and compares it to the sex she would have with ex Miles

Charlie and Verity have been having sex. They even did it TWICE the other day. They better be careful not to throw their backs out.

Emily decides its a good idea to tell James that Maeva is sexually unfulfilled, which then gets back to a snarling Maeva.

Sophie is helping Ollie and Gareth choose flowers for their .

The florist has let them come inside on their own so that they can smell things without wearing masks.

Low blow: Emily decides its a good idea to tell James that Maeva is sexually unfulfilled

Low blow: Emily decides its a good idea to tell James that Maeva is sexually unfulfilled

Fuming: This then gets back to a snarling Maeva

Fuming: This then gets back to a snarling Maeva

Sophie would have liked them to pick peonies but reminds them that these flowers have been 'butchered to death by basic b*****s'.

In what is a rather terrible moment, Ollie and Gareth tell her that the church they wanted to get married in have said no because they're gay.

Sophie is fuming about this and you can see in her eyes that she's planning on donning a Real Avengers-style cat suit to hunt down whichever backward priest runs that parish.

Freddie hosts a lunch to mark the end of the countryside social bubbling.

Flower child: Sophie would have liked Gareth and Ollie to pick peonies for their wedding, but reminds them that these flowers have been 'butchered to death by basic b*****s'

Flower child: Sophie would have liked Gareth and Ollie to pick peonies for their , but reminds them that these flowers have been 'butchered to death by basic b*****s'

The last supper: Freddie hosts a lunch to mark the end of the countryside social bubbling. Paris makes a speech and no-one cares

The last supper: Freddie hosts a lunch to mark the end of the countryside social bubbling. Paris makes a speech and no-one cares

Paris makes a speech and no-one cares.

During said lunch, the bitterness that has been simmering all summer starts to overspill, with Maeva expressing her fury that Emily told James about her sexual dissatisfaction.

Emily

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