CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: A bumbling bed hog with a mop of blond hair - yes, it's ...

CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: A bumbling bed hog with a mop of blond hair - yes, it's ...
CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: A bumbling bed hog with a mop of blond hair - yes, it's ...

Big Dog Britain

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The Hotel Inspector 

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Certain women go gooey for him. He is handsome, in a strange way, though he bumbles around like a giant dishmop on a Spacehopper. Generally, whatever he wants, he gets.

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Naturally, his name is Boris. He’s a Chien de Berger des Pyrenees or Pyrenean Shepherd dog. ‘He’s blond and nutty and good-looking,’ sighs his owner, Susan.

Boris hogs the bed, which you’d expect, and he also likes to eat standing up at the dining table, which somehow does not come as a surprise either.

In fact, he needs to be fed by hand. Providing he’s permitted all the luxuries of life, he’s happy to do whatever the lady of the house tells him.

I’m not convinced that Boris, one of the stars of Big Dog Britain (C4), really exists. He might have been invented as a political satire by Fluck and Law, the creators of Spitting Image.

Certain women go gooey for him. He is handsome, in a strange way, though he bumbles around like a giant dishmop on a Spacehopper. Generally, whatever he wants, he gets

Certain women go gooey for him. He is handsome, in a strange way, though he bumbles around like a giant dishmop on a Spacehopper. Generally, whatever he wants, he gets

If so, it’s a joke that can run endlessly on: for instance, though he’s soppily charming, you might not want him actually in your house. You certainly wouldn’t trust him with a roast chicken, or any other bird.

Someone else always has to clean up his messes. And so on.

This whole hour was an unremitting advert on behalf of the Dog Party. We met a couple with ten Irish wolfhounds, and another pair with five St Bernards (and a sixth on the way).

The only voice of dissent came from Wade, a young lad whose mum and dad kept half a dozen Newfoundlands at their cottage in Northumberland.

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