Charismatic, talented and with a rare gift for honesty, following her diagnosis with terminal cancer earlier this year, Sarah Harding released a solo single and a memoir called Hear Me Out.
With mordant humour, the Girls Aloud star described it as 'my first and only book'. And in its closing pages, she said she hoped to go out with a bang.
She wrote: 'What I would really like to do is to see everyone, all my friends all together, one last time and then I would throw a great big f*** off party to say thank you and good bye. Wouldn't that be amazing?'
However, it wasn't to be. The 'hard reality', as she described it, was that she was already far too ill for a gathering of any sort. Unsteady on her feet due to lesions on her brain, she railed against her loss of independence, which forced her to move back in with her mother Marie.
When Sarah had discovered a lump under her arm early last year, she'd dismissed it as a cyst, perhaps caused by the strap of her guitar. She had her first appointment in March last year and was diagnosed with breast cancer in July.
Then followed a mastectomy, that 'broke her heart', chemotherapy and radiotherapy – all endured during lockdown.
Nadine Coyle, Kimberley Walsh, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts and Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud with arrive at the BRIT Awards 2009
When Sarah had discovered a lump under her arm early last year, she'd dismissed it as a cyst, perhaps caused by the strap of her guitar. She had her first appointment in March last year and was diagnosed with breast cancer in July
And she reflected: 'It's strange, this world I find myself in. It's like I've stepped on to another planet where everything seems unfamiliar. I suppose everybody could say that in the midst of a global pandemic, but that's not it for me.
'As I write this, it's a few weeks before my 39th birthday and I have no idea what's waiting for me in the year to come. I'm doing my absolute best to be positive and to fight it. This is a chance to reflect on everything good and bad and to remind myself what a wonderfully full and colourful life I've had up to this point. A life I'm very grateful for, having achieved above and beyond anything I dreamed of when I was a little girl.'
The way she tells it, there were two Sarah Hardings, each as real as the other. One was the party girl, effervescent and risk-taking – but also prone to anxiety and self-doubt (although tall blonde and stunning, she always considered herself the 'ugly duckling' of the band).
The other Sarah was a quieter person who was happy cooking, spending time with family and pets, and reading a book.
The 'hard reality', as she described it, was that she was already far too ill for a gathering of any sort. Unsteady on her feet due to lesions on her brain, she railed against her loss of independence, which forced her to move back in with her mother Marie (pictured together in 2013)
Charismatic, talented and with a rare gift for honesty, following her diagnosis with terminal cancer earlier this year, Sarah Harding released a solo single and a memoir called Hear Me Out. Sarah Harding is pictured here as a child
She wrote that in her Girls Aloud years, she became a caricature – a 'rock chick, blonde bombshell, party girl, the caner of the band'. She added: 'For me it was like, 'Oh that's who I am then. I've been looking for my role so this must be it.' It became easy for me. I liked a drink, I was a bit rebellious, I liked to go out partying so it was a win/win. Until it wasn't.'
She added: 'Somewhere among the nightclubs, the frocks and hairdos, the big chart hits and the glamour of being a pop star, the other Sarah Harding got utterly lost... there most definitely is that fun crazy party girl in me, there always was.
'It was the other Sarah – the one who liked curling up at home with her dog and a good book; the one who enjoyed cooking a roast dinner for her friends; the one who liked spending nights alone, writing songs and making music – who got
