Wednesday 20 July 2022 02:30 PM Louise Thompson speaks out on her 'mum guilt' about sending son Leo to nursery trends now

Louise Thompson has shared her struggles as she attempts to lower her antidepressant dosage and deals with the daily symptoms of her PTSD.

The former Made In Chelsea star is battling post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and post-natal anxiety after two near-death experiences during the birth of her son Leo eight months ago.

Updating her followers on how she was feeling on Wednesday, Louise admitted she was struggling with her emotions as she contended with 'mum guilt' and her disappointment at missing her close friend's wedding.

Sharing photos from her London home, Louise admitted she was 'struggling quite a lot this morning.' 

'I have to be honest I feel a great sense of comfort and connectedness sharing on here. I feel a sense of safety, like nothing can go wrong because we're all in this together. So I hope you don't mind but I'm going to stick with it,' she added of her willingness to share her feelings.

Louise demonstrated her morning qigong routine, a system of coordinated body-posture and movement, breathing, and meditation, which she has been practising over the past week to give her 'stability' 

She then clarified why she was finding the day so tough, explaining she was attempting to lower the dosage of her antidepressants. 

'I am trying to lower my mirtazapine dose,' she wrote. 'I really just want to stabilise my body and brain naturally. I'm 4 days into a lower dose and this morning I feel all over the place.'

'I feel really dizzy and confused and quite outa body. Like I don't know where to place myself. I can't sit down or think straight.'

'I feel like my nervous system is malfunctioning. Thank goodness Leo is at nursery and I have Ryan.'

'Sometimes I think how the heck did this all happen to me? Give me my old brain back. I beg of you.'

Louise later shared her feelings of 'mum guilt' about sending her son to nursery two days a week, explaining that she hasn't even told her fans about Leo's nursery routine because she felt 'so guilty for sending him.'   

'I think Ryan nonchalantly mentioned it on a story a while back and I freaked out a bit,' she admitted.

'Tbh when I think back to a few months ago I find it noting short of miraculous that I managed to achieve the simple task of finding and enrolling him into a lovely little school. Need to eliminate the mum guilt.'

To add to her struggles, Louise said she was gutted to be missing out on an important event this week - her best friend Binky Felstead's wedding in Corfu.

'Also feeling quite pants because I'm missing my beautiful besties wedding in Greece this week due to a boring hospital infusion tomorrow and other non negotiable medical appointments this week,' Louise wrote.

'I love you @binkyfelstead.'

Louise's MIC pal Binky is holding a second wedding ceremony with her fiancé Max in Greece this week after legally getting hitched in London last year.   

On Monday Louise shared an update on 'the most crazy year'.

Speaking in a seven minute video, Louise told viewers how her 'brain shut down as a result of nearly dying twice' during childbirth, as she detailed the intrusive thoughts which consumed her at her lowest point.

The TV personality admitted in her darkest moments she even hoped for a plane to 'crash into the house and obliterate us' and said 'all she could think about was death' because she felt it would be the easiest way out of the pain and suffering. 

Louise also told how she was just two days away from having to undergo 'life-changing' surgery on her colon during her recent hospital stay as a result of her pre-pregnancy battle with ulcerative colitis. 

Appearing on camera, an emotional Louise said: 'I've already tried to do this video six times and I've just bawled hysterically.'

'I'm here, I'm back home, I'm on a lot of medication,' she said, explaining that she was readmitted to hospital because 'I was a couple of days away from having part of my colon removed and diverted through my stomach.'

While she has battled physical conditions as a result of her traumatic birth, she said 'the mental side of stuff is ten times worse than the physical because it's so much harder to control.'

Referencing her appearance on Instagram, Louise insisted: 'Despite the fact that I might look incredibly well presented, happy, fit, well I'm really not. Mental health is the most cruel, invisible disease ever.' 

Continuing, Louise explained her rationale for speaking out was that she suddenly had  'all these racing thoughts about wanting to talk about my experience because it's been really bad and not a lot of good has come of it, but the only good that can come of it is the ability to help other people.'

She added that she had received messages from men whose partners suffered with perinatal health 'and sadly

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