Caroline Enys dumps the dishy, decent, Doctor n Poldark, by Jim Shelley

Poldark is basically Love Island with tin mining.

Love Island with a horse.

Love Island with folk music.

And you thought it couldn’t get any worse…

Of course some things were different.

Comparison: Poldark is basically Love Island with tin mining. Love Island with a horse. Love Island with folk music. And you thought it couldn’t get any worse… Of course some things were different

Comparison: Poldark is basically Love Island with tin mining. Love Island with a horse. Love Island with folk music. And you thought it couldn’t get any worse… Of course some things were different

The women in Poldark wore clothes for instance ( mostly) rather than high heels and bikinis at all times. And not one peasant or prostitute had ‘seize the day’ tattooed across their rib cage (in Chinese).

But otherwise the similarities were unavoidable.

A disproportionately high percentage of the population was good-looking. Six-packs, yoga-toned derrieres, and manes of silky Silvikrin hair proliferated. And the women even more so…

Out in the cold: It had the dishy Doctor Dwight who everybody loved and deserved better; a brooding Alpha Male whose ego had been crushed by his (supermodel) missus mugging him off

Out in the cold: It had the dishy Doctor Dwight who everybody loved and deserved better; a brooding Alpha Male whose ego had been crushed by his (supermodel) missus mugging him off

Poldark was set 220 years earlier but the characters’ average IQ matched 2018’s islanders’ (unfortunately). And of course the number of black people was practically the same.

Like ITV’s pageant, everyone was looking for romance – or sex. But (also like Love Island) long-term relationships were as rare as someone from an ethnic minority or another country.

It had a doctor who everybody loved and deserved better; a brooding Alpha Male whose ego had been crushed by his (supermodel) missus mugging him off while Demelza’s brothers Drake and Sam were like Eyal (or, horrifically, two Eyals): curly-haired pretty boys who never stopped pontificating spiritual drivel.

Eyes on the pies: Doctor Dwight’s wife, Caroline, was potentially another Megan-in-waiting

Eyes on the pies: Doctor Dwight’s wife, Caroline, was potentially another Megan-in-waiting

Demelza was essentially a redhead version of Megan (the one that everyone fancied), upstaging the other women at a funeral (including her best friend Caroline) looking sensational in black.

Demelza was still flitting between men like a (red) butterfly, even lusting after Hugh Armitage who was dead.

Doctor Dwight’s wife, Caroline, was potentially another

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