ABC correspondent opens up about suicidal thoughts and family suicides

ABC foreign correspondent James Longman revealed he once considered taking his own life in a heart-wrenching interview on Life After Suicide.  

At just 32, Longman has risen and prominence as a journalist, covering everything from terror attacks to a subject closer to home: mental health. 

Longman endures episodes of depression, his father's and grandfather's suicides. 

And in his 20s, he found himself sitting on a London curb, barely able to hold himself back from throwing himself into the passing traffic. 

Since that dizzying moment on the verge of suicide Longman has become increasingly outspoken about suicide, investing its patterns in families and especially about the importance of speaking out to those who cope with suicidal thoughts. 

ABC foreign correspondent James Longman told Dr Jennifer Ashton on Life After Suicide (pictured) that he once came dangerously close to taking own life and has wondered if he's fated for suicide because his grandfather and father both died of suicide

ABC foreign correspondent James Longman told Dr Jennifer Ashton on Life After Suicide (pictured) that he once came dangerously close to taking own life and has wondered if he's fated for suicide because his grandfather and father both died of suicide 

Being a member of a British family that has suffered at the hands of mental illness, and depression and suicide, Longman feared that it might be inevitable for his life to follow the same trajectory. 

His grandfather took his own life when Longman's father was in his 20s, and 20 years later, Longman's father died by suicide, too. 

Then, in his 20s, Longman found himself contemplating the same. 

'I was at work, and I started just breathing really sharply at my desk,' Longman told Dr Jennifer Ashton on her podcast. 

It was his first panic attack, though Longman didn't recognize it for what it was in the moment. But he knew he had to do something, and called a non-emergency help line that directed him to a nearby clinic in London, where he's based. 

'It was a very dramatic, kind of filmic moment, I was crying in the rain running through London,' he recalls. 

As a foreign correspondent now for ABC and formerly for the BBC, Longman has faced danger covering conflicts in Syria and reported around the world

As a foreign correspondent now for ABC and formerly for the BBC, Longman has faced danger covering conflicts in Syria and reported around the world 

But when he reached the 'clinic' he was told at reception that it no longer existed. As Longman frantically tried to call other resources, the person working the desk 'told me to get out,' he says, 'because I wasn't allowed to make calls in the hallways where I was standing.' 

Defeated, he wondered back out into the rainy London day and sunk to the curb. 

'For about 10 minutes, I seriously contemplated walking out into traffic,' Longman said.  

'I've never felt that since, but in that moment...it really just seemed like the easiest thing to do.'

The feeling passed, but Longman was left shaken.  

Despite his shining career, Longman says that depression short-circuits that knowledge, because it is an 'irrational' condition that 'drains the color' from the world he sees

Despite his shining career, Longman says that depression short-circuits that knowledge,

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