DON'T give in to your child's anxieties, psychologist says

Anxiety is at an all-time high among children and teens, but experts warn that young, worried minds might be better off without comfort from their parents.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than one quarter of young people between 13 and 18 years old suffer from anxiety, and the Child Mind Institute estimates that nearly 32 percent of younger American children to do too.

With a constant stream of information and media, it is easy to 'catch' your child's own anxieties over a world full of threats and discomforts. 

But, Concord, New Hampshire-based psychotherapist, author and speaker Dr Lynn Lyons says that parents must resist the urge and veer in the other direction, coaxing their children - and themselves - to approach challenges, rather than retreat from them. 

With an unprecedented number of children experiencing anxiety, parents are tempted to assuage their fears, by psychologists warn that this does more harm than good (file image)

To treat a family member's anxiety, Dr Lyons says, you have to treat the whole family. 

'The more freaked out parents are, the more freaked out kids are, so stress in families is pretty contagious, and worry in society is pretty contagious,' Lyons says. 

Like many in her field, Dr Lyons speculates that children's anxieties stem in part from information-overload.  

Their parents, too, are inundated with more connectivity and media than ever before, and their information and related anxieties trickle down through the family structure. 

For stressed out parents, assuaging and avoiding anxiety's causes often seems like the quickest, most conflict-free solution to their children's worries and the best way to preserve some semblance of order in their families.

'That seems like a good idea at the time because it immediately calms things down and gets the child to be more cooperative,' says Dr Lyons, 'but the problem is that the avoidance globalizes.' 

Anxiety 'is like a cult leader. It shows up and it starts making rules,' she says. 

'If you're in a cult and you listen to the leader, then everything goes pretty smoothly. But when you break a rule, it gets angry.'

When parents encourage children to avoid whatever may be making them worried or fearful, this feeds the core of anxiety: comfort. 

'Anxiety's rules are pretty simple. It says we have to know everything, have to be certain, and we have to be comfortable. The more we give anxiety what it wants, the stronger it gets,' Dr Lyons says. 

Fostering this tendency to be averse to uncertainty does not translate well to the adult world,

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