Well it’s all Jon Snow’s fault. In the last few years I have been invited to take part in Strictly Come Dancing; Big Brother; I’m A Celebrity . . . Get Me Out Of Here! and Desert Island Discs. I said ‘no’ to all of them. But Bake Off seemed different.
There was the fund-raising aspect — I have lost several friends to cancer. There was the challenge of the show: what can be so hard about mixing stuff in a bowl and sticking it in the oven? And there was the fact that the producers claimed that the Channel Four newscaster Jon Snow had agreed to do it.
If it was good enough for my fellow grey-hair, it was good enough for me.
But when I turned up at the famous tent in Pinewood, the only other contestants there were an actress from Coronation Street; a pretty girl from an alleged ‘reality’ show; and a Channel Four comedian who wanted to bake a cake of his bottom. Plus me.
Of Jon Snow there was not a sign, though he did, apparently, send along his on-screen valet, Krishnan Guru-Murthy, to take part in another recording. But the old leftie was nowhere to be seen. Not even a flash of his hideous ties or socks.
Star baker in the making? Quizmaster and BBC veteran presenter Jeremy Paxman is set to appear on episode four of the popular baking show on March 26
I will happily admit that I am not a natural baker. Cooking I enjoy. But the closest I generally get to baking is when I make my signature quiche. (Real men not only eat it, but make it.) Even then, there was an occasion last autumn when I forgot to put the eggs into the thing. For some reason, various people found this ludicrous.
Baking is — excuse me — a different kettle of fish altogether.
In cooking, you taste — and modify — things, as you progress. In baking, you must stick to the recipe. Even a minute or two in the oven or a few degrees difference in temperature can apparently make an enormous difference. Cooking is an art. Baking is a science.
The producer brought a tame expert to my home beforehand, to demonstrate what a mixer is. I signed up for a Saturday morning session at a local cookery school. But the closer the fateful day came, the more nervous I became.
Paxman revealed that he has lost several friends to cancer, which is one of the reasons why he decided to take part in the show. He also blames Channel 4 presenter Jon Snow, as he believed his news rival has also agreed to take part
They say lambs arriving at the abattoir can sense it’s not a good place to be. On the appointed Saturday morning I knew how they felt.
Since it was — mercifully — off-mic and off-camera, I will not disclose what presenter Sandi Toksvig said when we met that day. But it was not the sort of language you associate with the chancellors of universities.
Our first task seemed easy enough — to make biscuits in homage to a pet. Since we’d had advance warning, I had brought along a pastry-cutter which vaguely resembled the head of my dog, Derek, an elegant Battersea Dog’s Home mutt.
It all began to go wrong when I decided to try to reproduce his markings with something called Royal Icing.
Apparently, this is considered easy to make. Perhaps it is, though it didn’t seem so to me.
Paxman is usually more inclined towards grilling university students on BBC quiz show University Challenge, which he has presented since 1994, and has decline several television opportunities including Big Brother and Strictly Come Dancing
But it is definitely not easy to apply to ginger biscuits through the nozzle of a plastic bag.
Each time I tried to squeeze out a dribble of icing to
