There you are, out on the road, campaigning to get back on track after a small ‘domestic’ and be taken seriously as Britain’s next prime minister, when you realise that — cripes! — you’ve run out of clean socks.
It’s a perfectly understandable predicament, of course, under the circumstances. Booted out of the marital home and with your girlfriend’s flat under siege from nosey-parker Corbynista neighbours, it’s been tricky to find a sink to wash your socks in and a radiator to dry them on.
So perhaps the only remaining option was to root gingerly through the clump of socks stuffed into the nether recesses of the suitcase and fish out a trusty pair that could survive another day.
Or, in the case of Boris Johnson — possibly another two days.
It’s a perfectly understandable predicament, of course, under the circumstances. Booted out of the marital home and with your girlfriend’s flat under siege from nosey-parker Corbynista neighbours, it’s been tricky to find a sink to wash your socks in and a radiator to dry them on
Johnson wore the same design of socks for his interview with Talk Radio on Tuesday (left) and with the BBC on Wednesday (right)
Amid all his other travails, the Tory leadership contender has been spotted wearing the same distinctive socks three times in recent days. First at a hustings event in Birmingham on Saturday, then in several media interviews on Monday, and finally in a radio interview on Tuesday.
Perhaps wary of another PR stinker, Mr Johnson’s spokesman rushed to explain that he owns ‘multiple pairs’ of these unusual socks, which were purchased from the British Museum shop in London for £5.99 — they have since sold out — and are emblazoned with the image of a famously bloodthirsty ancient king called Ashurbanipal.
(This may not be a coincidence. Ashurbanipal, who ruled the Neo-Assyrian Empire in the 7th century BC, called himself ‘King of the World’ — while Boris, as a child, told his family he wanted to be ‘World King’.)
We should give Mr Johnson the benefit of the doubt and assume he dons a fresh pair of his Assyrian socks daily. But whatever the truth, in these politically charged times, the hosiery habits of a hopeful PM have raised an issue that is dividing our nation even more bitterly than Brexit.
So how often should you change your socks? What style is best for sweet-smelling feet and how can Boris avoid airing his dirty laundry in public . . ?
HOW TO AVOID CAUSING A REAL STINK
For most gentlemen, this is a question that scarcely need be posed: the answer, of course, is every day.
Amid all his other travails, the Tory leadership contender has been spotted wearing the same distinctive socks three times in recent days. First at a hustings event in Birmingham on Saturday, then in several media interviews on Monday, and finally in a radio interview on Tuesday
Men’s feet have an average of 250,000 sweat glands, according to the Californian Podiatric Medical Association, and leak up to half a pint of moisture every day.
Socks must soak all this up, and so the notion of wearing them for more than a day should fill any self-respecting man with horror.
Feet inside shoes provide three things micro-organisms love: moisture, warmth and food (dead skin cells). Sweaty feet and tight shoes are a risky combination for fungal infections such as athlete’s foot (Boris, be warned).
NOT ALL SOCKS ARE EQUAL
Style expert Peter York wears wool or cotton socks depending on the season — cotton at this time of year.
‘A firm called Pantheralla does very fine, ribbed cotton and wool socks that are perfect,’ he says.
They cost a pricey £14.50 a pair, but York adds: ‘Sometimes I save up for beautiful Italian socks that are marvellous for rich people — up to £50 a pair.’
Cotton socks (£12 for a 7-pack, m&s) are light and are less likely to shrink in the wash than wool versions.
Perhaps wary of another PR stinker, Mr Johnson’s spokesman rushed to explain that he owns ‘multiple pairs’ of these unusual socks, which were purchased from the British Museum shop in London for £5.99 — they have since sold out — and are emblazoned with the image of a famously bloodthirsty ancient king, Ashurbanipal
Wool (£15 for a three-pack, M&S ) is better for cosy toes. Ideally
