Marilyn Manson's first love fears she broke his heart and turned him into a 'monster', revealing the tortured poems he wrote for her and how he fantasized about fathering her child.
The woman, who asked to be named only as Rachelle, spoke exclusively to DailyMail.com about her two years as girlfriend to Manson in the 1980s, beginning when he was just 18, and shared copies of his typewriter-written love – and hate – poetry.
Rachelle met him in 1987 when she was a 22-year-old model and he was still only known as Brian Warner, before he formed a band and adopted the dark and twisted persona of Marilyn Manson.
She described him as shy, quiet and immature; almost unrecognizable as the man now under police investigation for domestic violence and accused of the sadistic abuse of several of his former partners.
On Friday, actress Esmé Bianco filed a lawsuit against Manson accusing him of raping, sexually assaulting and beating her, and coercing her using drugs. Manson denied the claims.Insurance Loans Mortgage Attorney Credit Lawyer
Marilyn Manson's first love, who asked to be named only as Rachelle, spoke to DailyMail.com about her two years as Manson's girlfriend in the 1980s. The pair are pictured together when she was 22 and he was just 18
Rachelle met him in 1987 when she was a 22-year-old model and described him as shy, quiet and immature - before he formed a band and adopted the dark and twisted persona of Marilyn Manson
Rachelle tells how she and Warner quickly fell into an intense relationship, with Warner writing her romantic and intensely emotional poems from the blacked-out bedroom of his parents' apartment near Boca Raton, Florida.
Rachelle (pictured in the 80s) said she fears she turned Manson - real name Brian Warner - into a 'monster' after breaking his heart
But when his deep insecurities, 'immaturity' and possessiveness became too much she split with the would-be rock star, she said.
Rachelle, now 55, said Warner was devastated by the break-up and her friends accused her of breaking his heart.
She said he left tortured poems on her car and in a matter of months had totally transformed, embracing the goth fashion, piercings and tattoos that his fans now know him by.Insurance Loans Mortgage Attorney Credit Lawyer
Rachelle is even immortalized in his autobiography, in which Warner suggested he could have fathered a child with her – a claim she denies.
In the 1998 memoir, The Long Road Out of Hell, Warner described Rachelle as 'cold-hearted, gorgeous and manipulative' and said she 'left me with a scar deeper than any I've since inflicted on myself' and that their break-up led to him trying 'to close myself off emotionally to the world and trust no one'.
He also says their split drove him to claw his way to stardom.
'It was partly out of anger and revenge that I wanted to get famous and make her regret dumping me,' he wrote.
The Florida mother said she first laid eyes on Warner when she was 22, one night in late 1987 at the Reunion Room, a New Wave club in Fort Lauderdale.
'I noticed him right away,' she told DailyMail.com. 'He had blond hair and was wearing dark clothing and a dark jacket. He just reminded me of kind of a hipster. He had beads in different colors he wore around his neck. He was really tall, very thin and was just looking around like he was out of place.
'He approached me and we started to talk. We exchanged phone numbers. I don't think either of us had anything to drink. He told me he was of legal age to be in a club, he never told me his age.'
His poetry referred to his clothes 'drenched in narcotic blood', and he wrote 'I am now a mass of f***ing hate / Live or die I really don't care at this / point'
Rachelle shared with DailyMail.com tortured poems Manson wrote for her when he was just 18. 'Your appearance into my life has stung the very depth of my soul. / My shroud of security destroyed leaving / nothing but splinters of bitter feelings / and revolting lies,' he wrote. 'Your unfaithful and dismal part in this / life has ripped out the very center of my being'
Rachelle said the then-community college journalism student wooed her with conversations about language, poetry and outer space. But when she began dating him she was surprised to find he was a teenager living in his parents' apartment near Boca Raton.
'I never saw anyone there, and he never told me he lived with his friends. But I found it weird when I found out he was living with his parents,' she said. 'His father would leave the keys and $20 like 'here's your allowance'.'
Rachelle said Warner would invite her over when the house was empty, and would tell her to face the other way while he furiously typed out love poetry on a clunking typewriter by candlelight.
'We sat / The candles spoke idly in flames / and our eyes in whispers / and as the wax melted / so did our hearts, / our souls / fusing forever,' one poem read.
'He'd like to see my reaction when I looked at it,' Rachelle said. 'Romance for us was writing. Being together and writing, and other things that you do, holding hands, hugging, kissing.'
All deeply passionate, some of the dashed-off poems were also steamy and erotic.
'Her knuckles are tight and white / with fistfulls of me / in either hand / And somewhere in / the distance below us / (some other place, other time) / Her clothes lie / crumpled in a / rainbow mass,' the typewritten note said.
'Kiss my face / and kiss my face / Your legs glide against my chest / and wrap around my waist / They're hosed in lace. / Tear up my face / Your lips tear me up / like crepe / And you go down / against my neck, / your lashes / crawling across my skin like / spiders. / And I'm so deep inside / Too deep / And / down / I think I could drown.'
Rachelle said she had been the victim of assault at a young age, but said that during their relationship Warner was 'loving' and 'affectionate'.
'He was wonderful. He was very kind to me, loving, very affectionate. There was nothing that would have struck me as scary or uncomfortable,' she said. 'I was very comfortable with him.'
Parents across America might pale now at the thought of their daughter dating a man many consider to be the devil incarnate.
But Rachelle's God-fearing mother had only one complaint at the time: 'She just didn't like the fact he wasn't Jewish.'
Rachelle said Warner would invite her over when the house was empty, and would tell her to face the other way while he furiously typed out love poetry on a clunking typewriter by candlelight. 'We sat / The candles spoke idly in flames / and our eyes in whispers / and as the wax melted / so did our hearts, / our souls / fusing forever,' one poem read
Marilyn Manson poses for photos on a school playground in 1990 in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - the year after he had his heart broken by Rachelle
The former model said Warner was passionate on paper, but 'shy' in public back then.