TikToker compiles massive list of reasons to not have children, creates honest ... trends now
The phrase 'where is the girl with the list' has become increasingly common in the comments section of pregnancy and maternity videos on TikTok in the last year.
Mundane at the outset, 'the list' and one TikToker have become synonymous with telling and sharing the truth when it comes to the ups and downs of childrearing.
The list refers to a 20-plus page record compiled by social media user YuniqueThoughts, a live document she updates anytime people tag her in the comments of a video in which a parent is sharing their horror story.
'Yuni's List of Pros and Cons of Having Children' itself has 20 pages devoted to cons- some 350 bullet points- while the pros take up just two pages and 35 points.
It's become a point of both controversy and relief for those who say it opens up an honest conversation about what being a parent actually looks like and how sometimes it is way messier than it can seem.
The list is now a full document, complete with hundreds of pros and cons
According to the about page on the list's website, the idea started after the author, who goes by Yuni, witnessed a family member 'struggle through pregnancy with a smile on her face.'
'While I watched, I also learned so much about pregnancy and birth that has never been talked about, yet so many women go through the same thing,' Yuni wrote.
The author, who has been offline since August, writes that the entire list has been compiled from personal experience and interactions on TikTok that have helped to open her eyes to the nitty gritty.
'Ultimately I want my list to prepare those that are committed to becoming amazing parents and also remind others that if they ever want a kid, these are just some things they might need to consider,' Yuni writes.
The cons list includes everything from common pregnancy issues like bloating, fatigue, and constant urination, all the way to rare but terrifying complications.
Things like 'baby can reject all the food while pregnant and might need an IV for the entire pregnancy, melanonychia- a condition where your finger nails can turn black- and 'your pelvis might break in half or crack.'
Critics of the list have said it highlights rare issues and relies on fearmongering to deliver an anti-child agenda.
Proponents, however, say it provides a comprehensive but non-exhaustive look at what parenting and pregnancy can look like.
One woman who spoke with NBC News about the list said her first interaction with the list was when someone commented on a video she made about postpartum depression, writing: 'where's the girl with the list.'
Sarah Biggers-Stewart, the content creator who spoke with NBC, said she believes the list is 'a powerful tool for self-advocacy.'
'I was totally shocked by all the things that could happen to you. And that's even in today's modern world, which is shocking with the amount of research and access that we have at our fingertips,' Biggers-Stewart said.
The mom told NBC she believes the list, and TikTok in general, have done a great job at providing an alternative perspective on parenting.
She believes other social media platforms have created unrealistic expectations and curated images of what pregnancy and parenting looks like and that is far from the case.
'There's so many different types of complications, and it can be really brutal on women. So I was like, this is empowering.'
The idea behind the movement, while controversial, has also been applauded by those in the medical field who know just how dangerous and sugarcoated pregnancy can be.
'What people expect is that the ones that have complications went into pregnancy sick. That's why you had complications, or you didn't take care of yourself, or you smoked, or you didn't eat well,' said Dr. Shannon Clark, an OBGYN who specializes in treating high-risk pregnancies.
'It was always a kind of victim blaming, that people who had pregnancy complications probably did something to cause it. But what we're realizing now is that that's not always the case,' she continued.
In one video under the hashtag 'yuniquethoughts,' one woman shared her story of a failed epidural and
