Dr MAX PEMBERTON reveals how to successfully fight back against your tormenters trends now
Last week TV presenter Eamonn Holmes caused controversy when he talked about being bullied at school and encouraged children to 'punch first'. He made the comments when WAG Bianca Austin, the wife of former Southampton striker Charlie Austin, divided the internet after praising her daughter for punching another student who had been tormenting her.
As a psychiatrist, I'd never advocate violence in any form. It's not the answer. Dialogue and communication are far more important. By responding with violence, you debase yourself and bring yourself down to the level of the bully.
It also doesn't really address the issue — it often just means the bully moves on to someone else. What's more, bullies, especially children, while understandably vilified, are often dealing with very complex issues themselves.
They frequently have problems at home and may be being abused or on the receiving end of violence themselves.
But I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say there's a part of me that — if I had a son or daughter who was being bullied — would advise them to give the perpetrator a whack back.
Dr Max Pemberton (pictured) says: 'As a psychiatrist, I'd never advocate violence in any form. It's not the answer'
More often than not, it works. My sister was two years below me at school. She was being bothered by the school bully for some time and eventually told me what was happening.
After she confided in me, I saw the boy standing with some friends. I walked up to him, told him to leave my sister alone and punched him square in the face.
I was sent to the headmaster. He shouted and told me how much trouble I was in. I was very ashamed and upset. Then, after giving me a dressing down, he said quietly 'Of course, if it had been my sister being bullied, I'd have done exactly the same,' and patted me on the shoulder.
My parents were called, I got a detention but the boy never bullied my sister again.
But of course, bullying doesn't end when we leave school. Bullying in the workplace is all too common. It tends not to take the form of physical violence though — the bullying of adults takes a different, often more pernicious and insidious form. Snide comments, undermining, gossiping and laughing at you behind your back. Bullying bosses are particularly hard to combat because of the inherent disparity in power.
It's interesting that — just like at school — bosses only bully certain people. They don't pick on people who won't stand for being pushed around.
It's said that bullies don't want to fight someone — they want to beat someone. But if you are the sort of person who avoids conflict, and is a people-pleaser who likes to keep the peace — all characteristics that appeal to bullies — it's hard to suddenly change this. And anyway, why should you? It's who you are and — outside of bullying — these can be great qualities.
In my working life I've encountered many different types of bully. There are those who throw tantrums, raise their voice and intimidate. While this can be horrible to encounter, they are relatively easy to deal with because the breaches are so blatant it's easy to get HR involved.
But of course, bullying doesn't end when we leave school. Bullying in the workplace is all too common. Stock image used
These are often termed 'law-suit bullies' because their behaviour is so flagrantly wrong, it's easy to sue. Others, though, are more covert —they act nice one day, then behave in a discourteous or demeaning way the next. These are often
