CALLAHAN: The Met is now just desperate Z-listers peddling flesh. Wintour's ... trends now
It’s over.
Monday night’s Met Gala was a desperate last gasp for elitism, cultural tone-setting, celebrity worship and Anna Wintour’s reign of terror.
Add this one-time legendary event, the subject of its own documentary called 'The First Monday in May,' to the list of flagging entities killed by Covid-19.
Absent were A-listers once Met Gala vanguards of high-style and theatricality. Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyoncé, the Olsen twins, Zendaya, Taylor Swift, Anya Taylor-Joy, Harry Styles, Lady Gaga — all took a pass on the former ‘Oscars of fashion’.
Instead we got a stream of Z-listers peddling filth and flesh, their thirst palpable.
Really, who among us was waiting to see what Maude Apatow, that great beneficiary of nepotism, was wearing?
Her compatriot Brooklyn Beckham? Devon Aoki? Camila Morrone?
Even the few true stars who attended got it wrong. Margot Robbie may have been in Chanel, but her torso was sheathed in plastic. Imagine the body heat trapped within. To paraphrase an infamous Real Housewife: Even Chanel makes mistakes.
Margot Robbie may have been in Chanel, but her torso was sheathed in plastic. Imagine the body heat trapped within. To paraphrase an infamous Real Housewife: Even Chanel makes mistakes.
Monday night’s Met Gala was a desperate last gasp for elitism, cultural tone-setting, celebrity worship and Anna Wintour’s (pictured with partner Bill Nighy) reign of terror.
Jennifer Lopez, 53, cosplayed - per usual - as a dewy twenty-something perpetually surprised by her own glamour, abdomen out.
Janelle Monae wore a cartoonish Thom Browne coat over an impossible-to-sit-in spherical dress. Doja Cat was made up to look like an alien feline.
Olivia Wilde showed up in the same dress as Vogue China editor, Margaret Zhang — an absolute horror for a night such as this.
Lil Nas X wore a thong and silver body paint, his face looking encrusted by some kind of parasite. (Perhaps not the best post-pandemic look.)
Rihanna, usually queen of the Met, showed up two hours late, long after the livestream ended, looking swallowed whole in custom Valentino, boyfriend A$AP Rocky in jeans — bedazzled jeans at that.
One can only imagine what the late Karl Lagerfeld, the gala’s honoree, would have made of this mess. One thing’s for sure: Lizzo would never have made his guest list.
Lagerfeld may have been a genius, but he was also a monster, earning the sobriquet Kaiser Karl for his ruthless diktats.
Among them: ‘No one wants to see curvy women… You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly. The world of beautiful clothing is about dreams and illusions.’
Well, we’ve all seen behind the curtain and we know: Few businesses are as ugly as high fashion.
As that great trend prognosticator Gwyneth Paltrow said after the 2013 ceremony: ‘I’m never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.’
Jennifer Lopez, 53, cosplayed - per usual - as a dewy twenty-something perpetually surprised by her own glamour, abdomen out.
Lil Nas X wore a thong and silver body paint, his face looking encrusted by some kind of parasite. (Perhaps not the best post-pandemic look.)
Doja Cat was made up to look like an alien feline.
Seems most of the cool kids have finally agreed.
Despite excluding once-welcomed social media ‘influencers’ and most reality stars, Wintour’s attempt to class up the event, to make it feel chic and exclusive, failed miserably. Despite what seemed a lifetime ban, Paris Hilton was allowed to attend.
One can date the moment Vogue lost its authority to Wintour's decision to put Kim Kardashian and Kanye West on the cover in 2014. The magazine has never recovered.
Even Wintour couldn’t exclude all the Kardashians from this year’s gala, and what did we get?
Kim serving up a soft-core porn look, wrapped as she was in none-too-subtle pearl necklaces, an homage to her 2007 Playboy shoot.
Hey — at least she didn’t ruin a one-of-a-kind historic dress, as she did with Marilyn Monroe’s beaded gown last year.
Jared Leto dressed as Lagerfeld’s beloved
