Meghan's fruity flop? Only THREE unfamous faces out of 50 chosen jam-fluencers ... trends now

So, who is Number One?

That's the burning question, now that Meghan Markle has launched the first offering from her lifestyle brand 'American Riviera Orchard' — jarred jam, capped with bow-wrapped muslin, meant to feel artisanal, authentic and aspirational, its debut limited to 50 rations.

How do we know there are only 50? Well, our duchess appears to have hand-labeled and numbered this run as if her jellies were priceless works of art — doubtless they are, in her mind — on par with Hockney, Hirst, Hunter Biden.

Whoever received that coveted first jar — Oprah? Anna Wintour? Kim K? — has yet to post to Instagram or otherwise reveal themselves.

In fact, 47 of the 50 recipients have yet to publicly acknowledge this most anticlimactic merch drop.

Could they be embarrassed? Unimpressed? On Ozempic?

Or perhaps they, like decent people everywhere, find the timing of Meghan's launch more unseemly than usual, given that the Princess of Wales and King Charles are both battling cancer. Perhaps they would rather not use their platforms to push sticky sandwich spreads and tacky jeremiads.

Surely we all anticipated a little more than the scant thanks of just a few people who aren't even famous?

Tracy Robbins, wife of Paramount Pictures president and CEO Brian Robbins, wrote on Tuesday: 'Thank you for the delicious basket! I absolutely love this jam so not sure I'm sharing it with anyone'.

On Tracy's Instagram, the jar — '17 of 50', its brand-new label already peeling off from one side — otherwise remained sealed. How could Tracy possibly attest to this jam's excellence? Was she present in Meghan's test kitchen?

Relatedly, Meghan reportedly began shooting her Netflix show about 'the joys of cooking, gardening, entertaining and friendship' this week, at an undisclosed location that is most definitely not her Montecito mansion.

Doesn't that say it all? Meghan welcoming you into hearth and home not her own.

How delicious, too, that Tracy Robbins is on Meghan's exclusive list, the pair having met as guests of Brian Robbins at the 'One Love' premiere in Jamaica mere months ago — a premiere at which Meghan and Harry were seated several rows back, for a movie no one has since seen.

Those A-list friends are shedding like so much spring pollen.

Delfina Blaquier, wife of Argentinian polo player and Harry pal Nacho Figueras, also displayed Meghan's largesse on social media on Tuesday.

Alongside a photo of the spread on toast — as if these people eat carbs — Blaquier wrote: 'Strawberry jam makes me happy. And I love your jam, @AmericanRivieraOrchard.'

Faint praise. Then again, Blaquier was only No.10 out of 50.

Kelly McKee Zajfen — a mom-fluencer and former model whose work may be unfamiliar to most — is, as this writing, the only other beneficiary to publicly acknowledge Meghan's jam. Her jar was labeled No.3.

Number one, surely, had to have been Oprah. Who else could it have been?

Oprah lives down the road in Montecito, attended Harry and Meghan's wedding, then conducted that insufferable sit down in which Meghan claimed the royals were racists — but call her duchess!

Oh, what fresh disappointment Meghan may now suffer. One can only guess at her starry list of giftees, the fantasies entertained about which vaunted celebrity would post what superlative praise.

Luminaries, frenemies and hard enemies grouped – I imagine – as…

The Girl Power Squad

Gwyneth Paltrow, Greta Gerwig and the woman Meghan has known all of five minutes yet calls 'Glo' — that's Gloria Steinem to us.

Beyoncé, who

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