Luckily, there are all kinds of cool and important things to look forward to in 2018 to mitigate all of the things you'll inevitably come to loathe and dread as the year progresses.
So next time someone says, "Do we really have to go on living for another whole YEAR?" comfort them by mentioning these existence-friendly events, innovations and observances.
1. The Winter Olympics
2. A royal wedding
3. Really, really good movies
If you want to make the most of 2018, you should probably just glue yourself to a movie theater seat. "Black Panther" comes for your soul in February, and anything it leaves behind will surely be snatched up by "Avengers: Infinity War" in May. Elsewhere, "A Wrinkle in Time" drops in March, "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" comes out in June and -- this is the one you've all been waiting for -- the awkward conclusion of the deeply unsexy "Fifty Shades" oeuvre will grace theaters in February, just months before it's scheduled to show up in one of our 3 a.m. self-loathing Netflix binges.
4. The "Frozen" musical
"Frozen" hype is an infinitely renewable resource, and next year the feature-length earworm will come TO BROADWAYYY! While this is very exciting and cool, please remember to be safe. Seek immediate medical help for a "Let It Go" singalong lasting more than four hours.
5. The World Cup
Just because we're not GOING doesn't mean we can't have a GOOD TIME, okay? This is like the royal wedding of soccer. We are not invited, it has nothing to do with us, but we'll still wear silly hats and cheer like the loud, spectacle-loving people we are. Mark your calendars and choose your teams, America. June and July belong to the World (minus us) Cup.
6. Regular people going to the moon
In 2018, Silicon Valley startup Moon Express (slogan: "The Moon is Me") says it'll "definitely" land a craft on the moon, paving the way for a generation of rich space casuals to populate it like it's the latest trendy New York City borough. If Moon Mission is successful, it would be the first private company to land a craft on the moon. The company's final goal? To get folks on the moon and mine it for natural resources.
If this sounds like literal reach-for-the-moon talk, take this quote from Moon Express' Chairman, Naveen Jain, as a chaser:
"We are really looking good and we are still hoping to launch the lander next year," Jain told CNBC in November. "And when we launch and land on the moon, not only (do) we become the first company to do so, we actually symbolically become the fourth superpower."
7. Must-see TV
It'll be a good year to vegetate in front of your television or chosen device if and when reality gets unbearable. Steel yourself for more "Black Mirror" and "A Handmaid's Tale," as well as the last season of "Veep," the return of "Westworld" and [checks giant Mayan calendar] Season 16 of "American Idol."
Some noteworthy new shows to look out for: " Black Lightning," a "Dynasty" reboot and "The Alienist."
8. Petting a headless robot cat and shaming yourself into eating better
Do we live in a world of transcendent progress and innovation, or an increasingly inhuman techno-dystopia? These are the types of questions you can ponder as you stroke your headless, purring therapy cat; one of the many new tech gadgets from Japan that'll make its way into the mainstream next year.
9. A royal baby
10. Tesla's truck stuff
11. Midterm elections
12. Scalp cooling for chemo patients
13. Maybe a new Game of Thrones book?
If that doesn't happen, we can at least soothe our wounded hearts by re-reading Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein," which turns 200 next year.
14. Flights to Antarctica
15. A time capsule opening
16. A Titanic diving trip
17. ESports take a world stage
18. Historical anniversaries
Lastly, let us mark our tenuous, yet immortal hope for the future by looking back at the past. 2018 will mark the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I. It will also mark the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act of 1968.