Married At First Sight Recap: Hayley and David are KICKED OFF

With a cast this untrustworthy, working out who's on Married At First Sight for love and who's just here for likes is a matter of reading between the lines.

Luckily, the only blurred lines at Sunday's commitment ceremony were the ones used to censor all the nip slips.

So can the L-word thaw out the Ice King's frozen-faced Queen? Will Natasha find a spare 10 seconds on her social calendar? And are there any breath mints strong enough to mask the s**t coming out of Hayley's mouth?

Commitment ceremony #3: Can the L-word thaw out the Ice King's frozen-faced Queen? Will Natasha find a spare 10 seconds on her social calendar? And are there any breath mints strong enough to mask the s**t coming out of Hayley's mouth? Let's find out

Commitment ceremony #3: Can the L-word thaw out the Ice King's frozen-faced Queen? Will Natasha find a spare 10 seconds on her social calendar? And are there any breath mints strong enough to mask the s**t coming out of Hayley's mouth? Let's find out

Mishel and Steve 

Old dogs, new tricks:  Last week, adrenaline junkie Mishel had an alphabetised list of complaints about Steve. This week, there was a new issue

Old dogs, new tricks:  Last week, adrenaline junkie Mishel had an alphabetised list of complaints about Steve. This week, there was a new issue

Last week, adrenaline junkie Mishel had an alphabetised list of complaints about Steve.

'I'm not ready to check into the retirement home yet!' she said.

'Steve's idea of "thrills" is going to a popular restaurant at 6pm on a Friday, sans reservation, and asking if they have any standing room for a couple of sexy seniors.'

New problem: 'We're like an old married couple. We've been together for three years and haven't had sex in 3 months,' Mishel complained.

New problem: 'We're like an old married couple. We've been together for three years and haven't had sex in 3 months,' Mishel complained.

This week, Mishel only had one problem.

Mishel: 'We're like an old married couple that have been together for years but haven't had sex in three months.'

Steve: 'Well, you're always moaning so it's hard to tell the difference!' 

Give me a break: 'Well in fairness, you're always moaning so its hard to tell the difference!' Steve argued

Give me a break: 'Well in fairness, you're always moaning so its hard to tell the difference!' Steve argued

John: 'Guys, personal space and consent works in the outside world, but not here. Steve, whip those hemp pants off and give Mishel something else to whine about!'

Steve: 'I didn't sign up for this! I signed up to fill a much-needed niche in the Instagram influencer market for seniors. Adult nappies aren't going to sell themselves, you know!'

Everyone: 'Did he say "sell" or "soil?"'

LOL wrong show! 'Guys, personal space and consent works on the outside world, but not here. Steve, whip those hemp pants off and give Mishel something else to whine about!' John argued

LOL wrong show! 'Guys, personal space and consent works on the outside world, but not here. Steve, whip those hemp pants off and give Mishel something else to whine about!' John argued

John: 'This isn't about sex, Steve. There's a lot of ways you can have "non-sexual touch".'

Mishel: 'Ooh, the touching sounds nice!'

Decision: STAY

Long haul: Internally, Steve thought: 'Come on mate, just a few more weeks of faking it and you'll be up to your neck in adult nappy sponsorships'. Couple's decision: STAY

Long haul: Internally, Steve thought: 'Come on mate, just a few more weeks of faking it and you'll be up to your neck in adult nappy sponsorships'. Couple's decision: STAY

Natasha and Mikey

The look of loathe:  Last week, Natasha (via a rep from Bondi Sands) forced Mikey to stay. This week, John wanted to know if they'd managed to find the solution to their marriage problem

The look of loathe:  Last week, Natasha (via a rep from Bondi Sands) forced Mikey to stay. This week, John wanted to know if they'd managed to find the solution to their marriage problem

The love between these two fizzled out faster than their 10 second sexual encounter. Last week, Natasha (via a rep from Bondi Sands) forced Mikey to stay.

John: 'So, did you guys manage to find a solution to your marriage problem?'

Mikey: 'John, you'll be pleased to know that I've got a whole bottle full of little blue solutions due to arrive any day now, pending any customs hiccups.'

Bitter pill to swallow: Mikey replied: 'John, you'll be pleased to know that I've got a whole bottle full of little blue solutions due to arrive any day now, pending any customs hiccups!'

Bitter pill to swallow: Mikey replied: 'John, you'll be pleased to know that I've got a whole bottle full of little blue solutions due to arrive any day now, pending any customs hiccups!'

John: 'I'm not talking about your penis, you idiot, I'm talking about your lack of chemistry?'

Mikey: 'Oh

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